The One Embarrassing Question “Nice” People Will Never Stop Asking

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At one point in our life, there’s a time we get asked a question we find really embarrassing or sometimes, annoying.

When people ask this question, they do it out of sympathy and concern. But sometimes our best intentions could be harmful to the nest person.

Richelle E. Goodrich has this to say, “With the best of intentions you toss me a lifeline.  Failing to see how a piece of rope will do me any good, I ignore it and drown”

Most people will say something that hurt your feelings with the thought that they are showing concern or they’re trying to be human. They expect things to always be normal and anything short of that is termed “abnormal”.

So, they give you some rules to follow. You have to act, dress or eat in a particular way, so you don’t offend anyone.

Read also: Are You MAD?

For instance, the society expects a lady to get married before the age of 25 and any unlucky marine spirit possessed lady who remains unmarried at the age of 40 is faced with the dumb question, “when will you marry”?

The family even adds salt to the injury, “when will you show us your suitor”? “All your mates are married, what are you waiting for”?

The tradionalists will conclude, “she’s possessed with ogbanje (marine spirit)”

The spiritualists will echo, “she needs deliverance”.

If she has a quarrel with any of her neighbors, she’s ridiculed, “Ashawo! Go and marry”.


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A couple who is just newly married is expected to start manufacturing babies after nine months. And if nothing happens after a year or two, they are referred to some fertility doctor.

The woman is always at the receiving end of the drama.

“She has lost her womb to multiple abortions”. “She’s a witch”

As for the man? Noooooo…….nothing can be wrong with him as long as he has his “love tool” intact for action.

A graduate is expected to get a job in an oil company after graduation. A young lady or man who just completed his/her secondary school education is expected to write JAMB and enter the university.

Read also: How to Change the Mindset that there is a Job Waiting for you after University

Isn’t that right? It is a norm we all must follow. An expectation we all must meet.

The annoying and embarrassing question i get asked all of the time is, “are you in school”? There’s no day i don’t hear it. Some people even come to facebook to ask, “which school did you attend”?

Ok i get it. They’re trying to be nice. Or perhaps, they’re short of words and they need to say something to fill the silence.

Though it may sound annoying to me ( and maybe not to you), i never fail to give a shocking and heart-wrecking answer.

“No, i’m not in school”

“When are you writing JAMB”

“Never”

“Why? What’s your plan”

“No plan”

(–end of discussion–)


“You are worst than the deadliest terrorist if your degree and all your years in school is not used to solve any problem in the world. And the woman on the street roasting corn is of more use than you.”


Then some “concerned” family member who “mean well” will start praying for me.

“Oh God, give our son admission into the university”. “You will get admission into school like others”

With a smile i will say,”Amen”.

No wonder Vikram Seth said, “God save us from people who mean well.”

If only they knew what i wanted or even asked me what i wanted.

They just assume that they know.

It’s really pathetic when the society wants to box you in and tell you what you should be or what you could’ve been.

But the hasty generalization and the biased assumption is just not fair. As individuals we desire different things based on our interests and passion. What you call a milestone may be a piece of dirt to me.

Don’t assume that what a 35 year old woman wants is a husband. Don’t assume that a fresh graduate needs a job when he may be praying for funds for his startup.

It’s this same mindset that makes a rich man who has everything good life could offer to “go back to school” to get a degree. Why? Because people called him an illiterate millionaire. So, he has to prove them wrong by getting a degree.

In Nigeria, an illiterate is someone who has never been to the university.So they say!

But you know what?

deadly terrorist

You are worst than the deadliest terrorist if your degree and all your years in school is not used to solve any problem in the world. And the woman on the street roasting corn is of more use than you.

You only succeeded in adding to the rate of unemployment.

I think we are tired of having uneducated, brainwashed and institutionalized graduates roaming the streets looking for jobs. If you know that your going to school won’t help Nigeria, please stay at home or go learn carpentry.

Stop intimidating people people with your degree. Who e don epp?

I think we have more than enough graduates, what we need are job creators, servant leaders, strategic and creative entrepreneurs.

Save the next generation. Don’t go to school if your degree won’t help solve the problem in Nigeria!


What’s that annoying or embarrassing question people keep asking you all the time? Share with us in the comment box below.

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3 thoughts on “The One Embarrassing Question “Nice” People Will Never Stop Asking”

  1. Hi Excel, you really expressed my mind in this post on the issue of social expectations. You see, everybody thinks they know best how you should live your life. They expect you to follow the status quo and when you don’t, you are seen as a failure or someone who is abnormal.
    It actually takes determination, doggedness and strong will to live in a society that thinks she knows how better you should live your life.
    As for me, I have chosen never to care what people think, I know one day my decision to take a unique path will pay off. Thanks for sharing.

    1. That’s why you hear parents say things like, “I know what’s best for you”

      Really?

      People just assume a lot. Because they are older than you they think that they’re more experienced and so you should “listen to their advice”

      Like a singer will say, “I’m walking away, trouble leaves my life”

      That’s what we should do to those busybody – walk away

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