The reason why we have “rebellious” kids is because parents assume that they’re broken and needs to be fixed.
Nobody is broken. Nobody needs to be fixed.
They just want to be understood.
Things will be much easier if you spend more time trying to understand them than trying to fix them.
This applies to other kinds of relationships too.
The reason most couples struggle in their marriage is because the husband is trying to fix the wife and the wife is trying to fix the husband.
So everyone goes about with hammer, nails and screwdriver with the aim to fix.
Same thing with parents who go about with the rod of correction.
They say it’s an African thing for parents to beat or flog their children.
But I’m yet to find a study that shows that flogging children (sometimes mercilessly) makes them more responsible.
I see that it only breeds hate and anger.
Hence, we have sad and depressed adults everywhere looking for the slightest provocation to vent their frustrations.
Many months ago, my mum was arrested by her Landlord and put in a cell.
While I was with her, I saw a man and a woman whom I assumed were couples dragging a young black beautiful girl to the police station.
I shivered in shock and disappointment when I learned that the young girl who appears to be a teenager was the daughter of the couple.
Her “crime” was that she was having “fun” with another young man despite the warning from her parents.
So she was thrown into the cell like a thief.
Tell me, will that girl ever recover from such trauma?
She will probably grow up to be a bitter young woman.
Her parents thought that she was broken. Hence, she needed to be fixed – in the cell.
If we understand that people are not broken and don’t require fixing, then we will live with one another with love and empathy.
We will come to appreciate everyone’s uniqueness.
We will embrace other people’s story and love them wholeheartedly.
And when you’re at the receiving end where someone wants to fix you, you also need empathy.
I have come to understand that sad people make others sad.
Hurt people hurt.
And you know humans feel safer when they are with people who are like them.
They want to hurt you so that you can be like them.
This is why you have to be picky about choosing your friends.
When someone tries to fix you, it means you’re not like them.
I have been in a situation where people try to fix me.
“Excel, add some flesh”
“Talk like a man. Walk like a man”
“You’re too slow. You’re too lazy”
At that point, I shut them out internally.
My soul resists and abhors them.
Yes, I may fake a smile but within me, I have shut you out.
I have come to understand that, I am not my body. I am not my job.
I am not my gender.
My essence is not defined by the physical.
And most times, my thoughts, words and actions cannot fully express my real essence.
When we come to understand this, we will stop trying to fix people.
Have you ever been in a situation where people try to fix you?
This post first appeared on my Facebook wall (Read here and the comments)